Well today was rough. Tonight is worse. I am scared to death. Tomorrow morning I start the day with labs, a PET scan and a CAT scan. I end the afternoon with the results. Is my cancer gone?
Everyone I talk to says, "I can't wait until tomorrow so we can finally hear the good news." I wouldn't say that I can't wait. Part of me says that I would like the chemo to do its work for a few more weeks. The other part of me is excited to finally hear the news so I can go on with my life one way or the other.
The other thing is how does everyone know it will be good news. I have a lot of people praying for me and we all want it to be good news; however, it is God's will and his plan. None of us know what God has planned for me. It may be that my journey with cancer is not complete yet. It is in His hands now.
Some people are going to say just hand it over to Him and he will take care of you. I have done that. I don't believe being scared about this means I haven't handed it over to Him. I just have a lot riding on this: my husband, my kids and my family and friends. Sooooooo.......I am scared. I have tears welling up at any given minute.
So tomorrow I will be strong and accept whatever news I get. My hope is that it will be what we all want it to be. My hope is that I never have to utter the word cancer in a sentence that contains my name. My hope is that I can start getting my strength back and going back to my normal life. At this point the question is what is normal?
Thank you for all of your prayers and support. I love you all dearly!
God Bless
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